raisin

Had not been in a very good mood since last Saturday. I see it pointless trying to juggle with getting on with life while struggling with my feelings. So decided to take a break, tagged with a deadline. A friend advised me to treat myself good since I'm not in the right mood to do my studies. I pondered a while bout it because I had to convince myself that if I do that, I have to make sure I will feel guilt free for not doing my revision.

I had not worked hard for my ACCA ever since it started. My mind had been concentrated with my relationship issue. Its takes time to allow my mind to force my heart to put things down n completely give up. So not easy but I know I will be alright. Quite experienced by now haha. Enough to know I have the ability to get out of it.

Anyway, now that I'm a student, I can't be going out to splurge on retail therapy like how I wished and did in the past. But thank God for alternatives, such as internet. It is one pretty effective medication.

Having said that, the 'resting' week is piled up with many other unnecessary problems as well. Such as Starhub internet problem, phonebills, iPhone overheat, NEA not coming down to help fix the out of hand mosquito breeding, etc. Did a short freelance project as well, yappie! Hope I get more such short simple projects and fast money. Hehe.

Been reading up some posts on our country's politics as well. Reading such articles stirs me up to work harder for future.

Also, I've cleared up almost all my contact list here in Multiply. Sorry I'm not kicking people out. What I want is to stop Multiply from emailing my Multiply contact friends on my posting. I'm not comfortable with that. And it seems like that is the only method available. I don't wish to switch to another blog site. Its pretty troublesome and I don't need so many blog URLs.

I will try to enjoy what's left of today to relax. Looking forward to my friends' wedding this coming Friday. Shall save my manicure job to Wednesday instead, so that at least they still look fresh on Friday.

Just found out the guy I broke up near 2 months ago was married for 8 yrs. I'm so glad it ended. Just need to get over this entire episode completely.

For now I need to focus on my blessings that God had showered on me. Although Im not a gorgeous face woman, but I think I'm good enough haha! At least I have a face that I can play my favorite make up on, and an opportunity to study, healthy to enjoy food and other goodnesses.

Its good to filter away the bad stuffs in my life, and to concentrate on only what's worth.

If only relationships are problem-less, painless, transparent and completely trustworthy.

Yea, in FB I keep my sharings as positive as I can, but in Multiply it gets a lil more personal.

Choosing the right partner is like choosing for one self a 2nd life. I can't pick which family I am born into, but for anything else I've to make careful decisions. Tough life.

... get out of my house forever. When can I ever have a new blissful home of my own?

Couples who are screwed up should never get married or even become parents. Dun get more people to suffer in your mistakes!

I'm so stressed out with my exams revision. Regret completely that I paid for a back-to-back exam paper dates for my CAT paper 3 and 4. It was a very congested revision and am so afraid that I will forget most of it while trying to digest it all in. Its like having 2 meals in 1 hour kinda feeling. Its not like I can't handle 2 meals but not back-to-back. It makes me wanna throw up and grow sick. Not very smart. Will avoid that if situation allows next time. Stress! :(

I'm most likely gonna fail my paper 4, as I did not have time to properly revise them. I covered too little chapters and I see no point doing too brief and speed revision on it as I might not even remember anything at the end of the day.

Accounting needs alot of registering the understanding of knowledge in order to apply. Not just flash across and think that I got it. Application is still the challenging part. Its after all a Certified Accounting Technician qualification. What is technician without the ability to apply?

Might most probably retake my Paper 4 and hopefully I will pass my Paper 3. I've completed 80% or more of the revision although I dun understand fully but well, at least I covered and have done practices on almost all the chapters.

I can only say I did not put in consistent effort enough throughout my course of study each day. Otherwise I guess I might be able to handle a passable grade even if I had not done my revision. Also, aging does give forgetfulness. I refuse to acknowledge this but I think it does to certain extend. There are some chapters that I handled well but somehow a few weeks later, I completely forgot how to even start doing those questions. I believe it will help much more if I put in more effort to keep on practicing even more until its completely in my blood.

Study is not an easy thing. Choosing a fast pace track is kamikaze. Fail to plan properly esp. for exam dates is even worse. I can totally feel the "Fail to plan, Plan to fail" logic literally.

Sucks. If miracle allow me to pass miraculously for these 2 papers, it will be the best Xmas gift. I have a paper 5 to go after my these 3 papers. Paper 5 exam date will be on the 10 Dec. I hope the 9 days of revisions after my Tuesday paper will be fruitful. I need my brain to be in good condition to absorb. Old brain depreciating memory power is scary~!

Not forgetting, the experience of locking myself up everyday for past 3 weeks studying in my small room on my bed is definitely a scary depressing feeling. Thank God I get to do some online shopping during breaks and get to surf FB on my iPhone on off whenever I get notifications. FYI, I do very fast shopping both online and in malls. I hate to explain this but I know most/all people who have not seen me shop online thinks that I spend alot of time shopping. Nope. Dun judge if you dunno. Im proud to admit I'm generally quite a shopping expert and more so with the contributions and help of a few shopping expert friends that I have, so shopping to me is a fast thing to do. I can shop and make a purchase transaction in 5mins online and thats all I need. Its not exactly an awesome thing all the time cos it makes me shop even more, and at times it shortens my shopping spree too once I have gotten what I want/need, which I wish it can stretch longer when I have time to kill boredom. I hate to explain myself and hope I dun have to entertain explanation anymore. Cos real friends don't need it, enemies won't believe it.

Saw this on FB on my pastor's status :
"Perseverance is the hard work you do AFTER you get tired of the hard work you already did." (Newt G). Perseverance produces character.

Press on Raisin!!

Hope I can make it for all my papers! I look forward to my freedom. 2 weeks more to go Raisin! Bite the bullet and GO! Press on!!

So annoyed by my dad now. Here I am trying to study for my exams, there he keeps irritating me with annoying questions that revolves around a small matter. Matters such as "Why isnt the bank statement showing me that your exam fee (13 October) is deducted from my Visa? Why Why?" and he just couldnt let me have peace until it is resolved. Like, I know?! What's so important bout that?? Just call up the bank or something to clarify! URGH!! The irritating period is unlimited until it is resolved. And even when I tried to explain stuffs to him, he refuses to listen, then, why ask me in the first place and ask NON STOP!

Perhaps its a completely bad idea to stay home and do my revision.

Ever since he retired, he had changed alot. Even more recently. He had become much much more annoying over small little matters, or problems that never existed, creating a mountain out of a molehill. And when I keep replying him, he just keep rephrasing and asking me the same question over and over and OVERRRRRRR (non stop) again! Even when I am busy / occupied, I have to put down everything just to answer his annoying unnecessary unimportant questions!!

Let me give U a made up scenerio that resembles those times :

[Setting - Me on an important phone call to get technical assistance for my sis' overseas' online job to run. Am very obvious I'm on the phone. Dad walked up to me to ask me something.]

Dad : Why is the tissue paper shred on the floor?
Me : Because it flew out from the piece I just drew out.
Dad : When did U draw your piece of tissue paper?
Me : Just.
Dad : What did U use that tissue paper for?
Me : Wipe my face.
Dad : So how come U did not realize?
Me : Cos my entire face is covered by tissue paper.
Dad : So U did not realize a small shred of it flew out?
Me : Nope.
Dad : So how did it land a distance away from U?
Me : Cos the wind blew?
Dad : Really? Was there a wind just now?
Me : Perhaps its the fan?
Dad : Oh, which fan? The ceiling fan or the standing fan?
Me : The ceiling fan.
Dad : Why not the standing fan?
Me : Cos the ceiling fan happened to be on.
Dad : Who on it?
Me : URGH!! Does it matter?? I'm on the phone. I'll get back to U later.
Dad : [Yell] Why are U so rude??!!! I'm just asking you a question!!! Whats so important with your call!!
Me : [Yell back] OMG! Isn't it obvious I'm on the phone?!! I dun mind answering your question but U keep asking me non stop over such an unimportant issue! I already answered U but U just wouldn't stop asking so I'll get back to U later! Whats wrong with that?!!
Dad : [Yell very loudly with rage. Wanting the person in the call to overhear him scolding me.] U are so rude U *vulgarity vulgarity*!!!!
Sis : OMG he's crazy!
Me : Yes he is crazy!
Dad : [Went downstairs and continue to yell very loudly making a scene and joined force with my mom to scold & bitch bout me.]

Stupid!

Feel like smacking my head on my keyboard... I just had this very late idea of busking during Halloween weekend as a makeup artist!! ARGH!!! It's not a very tough job and makes easy great money!!

Hope I rem next year and if I am avail I shall go do it!!

Pastor Tan preached a good sermon this weekend. One of his main focus was on John 20 on Faith. While going through the word, a particular verse struck me.

 ⁷and the napkin that had been about His head, not lying with the linen cloths, but wrapped together in a place by itself.

I pondered and thought why would Jesus bother to do that? Not like anyone else is gonna use that napkin anyway. Surely He won't need it anymore either. He could have just got up leaving the fabrics laid there in whichever condition it was.

Then I came to realization the importance of Jesus being faithful to His disciplined nature and paying high attention to the details in His life. Whether not anyone is gonna use or appreciate it, it doesn't matter. In life, even if there is no reason for us to do certain practice whether not it matters to benefit anyone, it shouldn't stop us from continue to do good. I am inspired! If God bothers to pay attention to little details even if it might no longer matter, how much does God bother to pay attention to the little details in our lives, even if we do not bother to attend to and seeing it meaningless to take care of?

I'm so glad I serve a great caring God who takes care of all details in my life~ :)

Attended a full class today. It is my favorite subject. Was looking forward to spend the entire day on this lecture that I enjoy. Everything went pretty ok but once I boarded the bus, I grew extremely extremely tired and sleepy. I felt as if I've been ploughing the field the whole day.

Took bout an hour (or less) nap and still feel so tired now. Power out.

Looks like I won't be able to do revision today urgh! Gonna shower and sleep early. Will do some revision and assignment practice if I can.

Also, I've a mini breakthrough today. I had lunch with group of my classmates (the young and smartee group!). I'm usually not close to my classmates. I'm quite shy if I'm alone in a group of people whom I don't know (ok nobuddy believes Im shy I know..LOL!) so am happy these past 2 weeks there's some changes and today is a satisfying one. God is good! Heez~ :)

Ok gonna go shower soon after my face mask dries! Hazy air pollution congested my pores. Need to clean and mask them. Heehee~ ,(◡‿◡),

Exam is drawing near. Somewhere in Nov 29 and Dec 10. I've got 3 heavy subjects to cover, and one is a theory. Gosh, I have not traditionally write my exams for the past more than a dozen years! My handwriting is improving since July, and I hope I can write fast and neat. Too used to typing. Heehee. If I manage to pass my exams this time, I will be left with 3 papers to complete my CAT Diploma! Woohoo! After which I'll be stepping on to ACCA Level 2! Completely eager! Hope I am discipline enough to study.

Something I learnt from my ex bf sometime back when he lectured me on not waking up for Sunday service - "Its a Christian's responsibility to schedule / discipline / keep themselves well enough to sleep early and to be ready for service on Sunday morning knowing its important." Yea, I agree to that and this lecture got stuck in my brain. On top of that, it speaks to my accounting life as well. I started meditating and work towards this mentality, that it is my responsibility to discipline myself not just in terms of being a Christian but also in the aspect of keeping myself in good condition for my studies and career I'm venturing into. Today in class, while meditating on this mentality, I had a new encouragement - "To do well in studies and class. If I can't even excel in these little beginnings, how am I gonna expect myself to excel in the accounting field in future and do better greater stuffs?" And all of a sudden I feel more energized and excited in class haha!

Anyway, I did not manage to go home after class like how I intended to discipline myself today. Instead I accompanied my classmate for dinner before she heads to her evening class slot. I ordered Korean food and miraculously I managed to finish my dinner at an early 530-6pm! Woo!! Also, I rediscovered my love in mildly salted fresh carrot juice again! Throughout my 5pm after class to 8pm, my classmate and I had a super long chat over some unhappiness she was facing. I'm glad she felt better. I think she just needed to find someone to talk and listen. We then head to a stationery shop in 313 and purchased my tube-eraser before heading to Far East Plaza to shop for my classmate's bag. I made my Kerasys shampoo and conditioner purchase at a Beauty Fragrance shop and then an interesting military blazer looking cardigan at Pandora Box. My classmate bought herself 3 bags! So exciting! She got a huge semi vintage bag at Trendy Shop, a medium size pink purse from another shop, and a Victoria Secret Bag small purse from Pandora Box. They made her very happy. I'm glad she managed to end her evening happy and contented, and not her upset mood earlier on. Retail therapy power!

*ps. Ok by now you should have realized my classmate skipped her class to do shopping instead and I'm not the culprit.

Bump into my friend and his galfriend during dinner time. Although I dressed like shit today which I've outgrown that bad self esteem, its good to see them! Makes me happy!

I picked cheaper options for my Kerasys shampoo and conditioner today. Instead of the premium quality that cost $20.90 per bottle, I picked the simpler range that cost me $10.90 instead. Life as a student is budget challenging. But I can only encourage myself to do well and get out of it without having to repeat papers and unnecessarily prolong this low income life ASAP. Although I might not be able to spend like a wealthy woman now, but I am stocking up my wealth in my brain.

Life will be stressful. Its either good stress or bad stress. Bad stress leads to low negative outcome. Whereas good stress brings high positive results. I'm glad the stress I'm going through is a good one! Thank God!! I hope I can do well and will continue to strive.

Thank God for an encouraging life!

Tomorrow (Wednesday) will be a full day of study. Looking forward! Love this subject! :D

Thank God I got over my breakup and depression in the first 3 terrible days, leaving the rest of the less than 4 days feeling nothing much bout it! Thank God for the less than a week miracle healing! Its like magic! God is awesome to the max! Also, thank God for placing wonderful friends in my life to give me comfort that I don't have to go through this alone! ❤

Heartbreak is scary. But with God, it can only be that (little) scary!

I'm a happy woman again and I feel and celebrate freedom in my heart!! :D

Remedy : Turn to God when situations turn away from you.

Prozac is not a fantastic anti depressant. It is NOT an anti-anxiety. Hence in my opinion it does not work very well. What it does is numb certain heartache but doesn't take away the moodiness. Instead, it compresses the moodiness into tight tension headaches and nausea side effect. Also, it causes patient to be forgetful, less sober, increases the tendency in making mistakes and lag in responding to situations. It distracts concentration. Prozac makes one feels worse than they already were. Imagine the worst hangover feeling, thats the closest illustration I can paint.

In future if there is a need to rely on medical help on depression, I'd ask for anti anxiety instead. It works well without much side effects, but does cause high blood pressure if patient is highly dependable on it for a long time.

I know its weird to review on Prozac / anti depressant to the conservative audiences. Medical is a treatment. Its good to know more and to understand your options.

Alternatively, pray. :)

His greatness can only be seen through overcoming the challenging circumstances that I allow Him to magnify in my life. The greater the challenge, the more His greatness can be testify.

God cannot heal a brokenness if there is nothing broken. He cannot perform His talents if there is no work to be done.

Psalm 23:4
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

The existence of a heartache after a break up is a fear of potentially living in a shortchanged life, thinking it is a form of insecurity that an absence cannot be met - a lie from no one but fear itself. Recognize which voice is speaking.

2 Timothy 1:7
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Knowing that God blesses us freedom of choice and not of curse, understand that we cannot break up if we cannot choose who we want to be with. It is a blessing Raisin!

I will not hate, because God did not present me a situation for me to walk out being a greater hater. He did not present me a curse, but a season of stretching my capacity to a greater level as I mature / grow my walk with Christ. He did not come to make me an even more emotionally triggered person, but to practice casting out my (deadly) emotional weaknesses that possesses the potential to threaten and destroy my purposeful life He has set ahead for me. Mishaps happen because I am weak and vulnerable enough to be attacked.

Life is a constant deliverance. It starts with a choice. It requires rational thinking, at all times believe that God has the power and ability to help me accomplish the details of my challenges, and takes strength to walk the talk. Be a giant over the challenge(s), rise up and take charge instead. It takes nothing to be bad; It takes a lot to be good. Walking out of a bad thing is a good reward!

Jiayou Raisin!

One of the most helpless things to go through in life is to get over a heart break. Its the existence of a very painful suffering that has no solution to give immediate treatment. Its a torture.

I officially broke up a short but serious relationship yesterday, and the feeling is much more terrible than I had expected. I thought I was very strong but only end up with a bad surprise. Am on anti depressant although it is not powerful enough to numb the pain. And all of a sudden I wish I am a tearful person, at least it will help relief the heavy feeling buried within to a certain extend.

I don't know why am I going through another painful relationship break up even after a thorough and very careful consideration which I wasn't interested in the first place, and had slowly accepted. I wish I will never have to go through this ever again! No God please! If You do please kill me instead!

But no matter how terrible the pain feels, I'm blessed to know that I have the freedom to choose who I don't wanna be with. I guess that's a powerful gift out of all these heart breaking experiences.

I don't know how I got over more than a month ago in that 3 weeks where I have to lock myself up in my own room studying for upcoming exams. I'm not one of those who can bury with work to get over a heartache. I'm one who can't function when I breakup. Those 3 extremely tough weeks was a disgusting experience but also a form of miracle, which looking back, I don't know that "me" then cos I never imagine myself able to do that. And yes, a few weeks later after I completely got over, we got back unexpectedly, only to know its history repeating itself.

I just wanna be well ASAP. Hopefully it will happen in the next minute, and hopefully not more than a week.

Extremely upset. I wished it would have worked out like how potentially it had appeared all these while. I wish the world has no sick guys.

And no, no more chance of getting it back anymore.

God if there is really someone perfect out there for me, please do not send me another nonsense. If I'm made to be single my entire life, then God please save me from all these nonsense and preserve my heart to be happily single and free.

The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers.

Saw this sharing from my friend's FB today.

Was in a very upset mood earlier and this does bring me comfort and encouragement. Awesome positive reminder~

Thank God that I'm living in a culture with freedom to make choices in life! Freedom to choose who and how I'd want to spend the rest of my life (with). Thank God for great friends who cheer me on, and thank God for medical science - Prozac to keep me clear minded so that every part of me works in full cooperation.

The beauty of quiet time is knowing that life is never alone, and nothing that happened is going to waste. :)

A Lil' Dream : To be a mini business woman~

Very excited! I'm aiming to be a self hired mini sole proprietor business woman heheheh! It should hopefully be a pretty good mini business. Not hoping for a big income, but it might be fetching me something slightly better than my previous full time job if it stabilize. Happiness!! Im so excited! :D

Emo : Are you still around? If you are the air that I breathe, I thank you for hugging me. Miss you so much grandpa...

Last night while unpacking these 2 years Chinese New Year red packets, including the last year I had with my grandpa, I miss my grandpa alot again and it got me really really upset. I really wish to know how and where he is. Despite being a Christian, I have not yet died to know about afterlife. If there is really such a thing, I really wish grandpa is at a wonderful place now, happy and reunited with all his passed on love ones and daughter. One day when its time for me to go, I will look forward and yearn to seeing him again. Really really love him so much. Its really sad to have so much more love to give to someone who is no longer there anymore to receive. Sometimes it can get so bad, I do not know how to get over it, I seriously feel like tearing out my heart to ease the pain of my very dearful loss. The past year was a very bad internal struggle for me to re organize the meaning and purpose of my life, to who I am living for and to give. All I know is that whatever it is, it has to be good, the way grandpa will be happy and wants me to. But it is really tough to do it, when I can no longer give to him or watch him see my success and share my happiness. Love is eventually separated by death. To love, is as painful as the depth of your love. Ever since grandpa's passing, I started to take life a lil' easier. There is nothing on Earth that I cannot afford to lose anymore (for now). What is my purpose? To treat myself right as a grand daughter of my dearly beloved grandpa. I want to make his love for me a worthy investment. I know he worries for me these years, and it was really upsetting to know it in the last year of his time here, and to know that, saddens me so much. I wished he didn't have to worry for me and I will correct my life to be who he wants me to be of worth. In case he is somewhere around me still, I hope it will be a comfort and a gift for him. I guess that's all I can do for him now.

*ps : I did not unpack my past 2 years red packets because I couldn't gather the courage and brave myself to unpack them. I do not know which one is from my grandpa, but decided to do so last nite. I need to move on, let go, after all he is much more than that, besides, I already had a something from him for as keepsake.

Update from my prev. post :

I decided not to blog bout the contents of my July job departure. Its a long story to tell and not something I'd wanna keep it in my blog. I'll be very willing to share it during meetups or PMs tho. :D

Studies :

And, I've been very very blessed to have passed by 2 papers last month! Heehee!! God is awesome. I dun deserve those grades but He made it a gift to me! 72% for my Paper 1 - Financial Transactions Recording, and 68% for Paper 2 - Cost Accounting. Heehee Im very pleased to join the 63% of the world wide passing rate for these 2 papers!!

New classes started bout 3 weeks ago and its getting tougher. Need more revisions and practice. Exams in late Nov / early Dec. 3 Papers this time, with 1 that most people fail. Gotta speak life into my life! Just like how my lecturer Nicolas Woo shared "You must tell yourself, 'CAT, is very easy!' And when you comb your hair, you must tell yourself 'I will not aim for pass, I will score distinction!'" Its quite interesting to have Christian lecturers that pack themselves in all sorts of varieties of characters. When I said Christian lecturers, I meant those that actually serves! Amazing huh? One does mission in Pakistan. The other is a counsellor. Its good to be a Christian and to be encouraged by one. We have a certain believe system that life is pack with full of hopes and abundance, and there is a great promise irregardless of what ever it is, be faithful that God has it for good and awesomeness.

Overall... Jiayou Raisin! :D

Lovely ex-Colleagues :

For some of my frens who do not know, I left my job on 5 July. It was a sudden end as my then newly converted part time contract terms were changed last minute and I decided to not take it up. It left my boss upset and was very unpleased with my decision. Will blog bout it in my next post.

... And so I...

Met up with my ex colleagues Ien Chiao, Rosni, Ngoc and Jane today for lunch today (as in Thursday)!! It was so completely lovely of these gals to arrange, organize, making the effort to meet up, and Jane even had to travel many many train stations just to meet me up for lunch too! So touched!

Rosni was the main organizer, and she even handpicked a really really cute and sincere farewell card for me, and then gathered my ex colleagues to sign on them. Ngoc had to cook up with an excuse in order to sneak out without my petty boss' suspicion, and so did Ros and Ien Chiao. The gals even treated me a lunch and we had a really great time enjoying each others' company!! n_n

Life is fantastic when U know the people U worked and spent time with are full of love! WHee!! Hee..

Miss them all so much!! Its one of those rare times where I miss my bunch of ex colleagues so much!!


Study Life :

Im now a 3 weeks old accounting student! Woohoo!! Life seems busier now than before! Although I have earned more freedom in managing my own life schedule now, but every moment I spent away from my studies / revisions, it makes me feel so guilty! Exams is in less than 30days now and I've been trying to revise as much as I can. Most times Im quite lost in class as accounting is a complete alien to the 9+ years designer me. Its a struggle, but also a sweet one. I learnt so much from just these 3 weeks. Its my blessing~ :)

Miss those days I can just come home and nap, surf net and shop all I want, watch online movies, or hang out till my body battery runs flat without feeling guilty that I havent been fruitful enough in my studies for the day! Haha! Well, theres a season for everything. Rather invest time on something more beneficial than purely material world isnt it?

I've been wearing shorts, tees, shades to school and I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVEEEE it!! I carry my LV Speedy purse on one hand, and an Accessorize FairTrade Shopper school bag in another! My pencil case is a Victoria Secret purse, with awesome stationeries in them! Yay!! I love school! :D 

:( Sadly, most of us are pretty shy and remain isolated among ourselves in class still. Only those who joined the class with their own friends from the start gets their company. Nearly all my classmates are much younger than me except for 1. And that makes me wish Im taking the night class instead, joining the much older mature batch. There are pros and cons schooling with the younger batch. They are livelier, and brightens up the atmosphere. Down side, they can be quite immature and sometimes it gets on my nerves abit. But I must say, they are all pretty smart and thats a really good thing! :D

Hope I'll b able to catchup with my studies and get good grades! I dun wanna repeat my papers boy! :D

So excited. In another 4 hrs time I'll be in my first accounting class!! After all the wait! Its HAPPINESS!

In life, there will be people who will cheer U on, giving constructive comments and help, encouragements and support. There are also plentiful who pull U to focus on the pointless unchangeable facts that contains no solutions and brooding over will not help in anyway. Things such as "Its very tough", "Age vs Opportunities".. For concerns like these, its inevitable. We can only do the best we can. 

Focus on the blessings, and what we can work upon, and making the best out of the provisions! Yay! :D 

I wanna note that today (Lunar Calendar May 17) marks the 1st lunar death anniversary of my most and deeply beloved grandpa. In another few days, July 9th, it will be grandpa's (world calendar) 1st death anniversary. He is forever deeply missed, deeply honored, and my biggest dearest blessing in life. Grandpa is the best thing that has happened to me. He took away the fear of death from me ever since the day he left us a year ago. He made me look forward to meeting him again when its my turn in time to come to part here. I truly wish there will be a life after death thing happening out there, to grant me the opportunity to see him once again. I wish grandpa comfort and rest, released and happiness wherever he is now. Besides my grandpa, I am deeply proud of my grandma who made it through her first year as a widow strong. She had fought very hard and is still fighting the hurt of her loss no one can understand or take that pain off her chest. Thanks to grandma for putting up a strong front and a good fight because of the love she has for us. I believe she has done that to not make us worry for her. She's a wonderful woman and I wish her happiness.
  
Back to happier happenings -- Its gonna b school for me this coming Thursday July 1st! Woohoo! Back to school days is finally drawing sooo close now! Extremely excited! Hope I'll be able to sleep well on Wednesday night for my Thursday morning class! *Nervous heartbeat*

Managed to pack some stuffs at home today (as in, Sunday although it had past 12am) which I had always wanted to for the past 6months. Gotta clear them up for school preparation just in case I'll be using the desk to do my studies. A good sense of accomplishment getting a part of it done. As for the rest, I will have to find ways to donate them away, give out to friends who wanna have them, and set up a store (flea market or online) to sell them off to kind owners. I have got feelings for my stuffs. They are like my family, so..yea.. I wanna find good owners for them. :)

Managed to wash my tote bag that I had hung for a few months, and my last week's make up brush as well today. Feels good too having them done. Also, I had my untidy cuticles and dead skins tidied and removed too! Gonna get them painted the next day hopefully, if my Seche Vite nail enamel top coat thinner arrives in my mail on time for me to work on. I am gonna get my 20 nails covered in a nice baby turquoise color for my first day of class! Its gonna be a celebration! :D

So what's left for me to expect next besides school? I've purchased a Lisa Taubes 42" Gold Filled Chain Link necklace from Lorraine The Current Custom last Wednesday as part of my new chapter in life celebration! It will probably take 10-14days to get here. If miracle allows, I wish it will arrive before school starts so that I can wear it with me to my very first day of class! Try YouTube for it to watch the reviews to understand why I'm digging this item and totally obsessed over it! :D

Also, I hope to get myself a Michael Kors Gold Runway Watch with Glitz someday this year! I'm also considering getting a short simple gold necklace with a simple disc / cross / heart pendant! But before that, I need to pay up the rest of my heavy sum of orthodontics payment soon, and hopefully get my short sightedness corrected surgically. Self improvement is my favorite hobby. It keeps me alive and happy! :D

I'm so excited and I feel kinda silly but in love. On one hand I'm pretty worried and scared of hating to study and stuffs...which I am brushing it off because having bad thoughts is not gonna help improve my situations in the decision I have made. Then on the other hand, I am trying to focus on the positive part of it by getting really excited and looking forward to the ultimate goal. I have been constantly reminding myself of how blessed I am to be able to wanna do something in my career and I get to do it. To further encourage myself in the opening of the new chapter in life, I've bought myself a Louis Vuitton Speedy 35 Damier, a Japanese/Korean office bag to keep all my school books, got myself a new scientific Casio calculator for class and I might get it dressed up to hide its boring gadget look, a Victoria Secret Monogram pouch as a pencil case and a few writing materials!

I wanna be in love with my vision, I wanna be a well invested daughter, granddaughter, and a child of God. I love my grandpa so much and I wanna live my life worthy of the life he has given me. I hope to be a blessing through my success to the lives around me, to my friends and worthies, and to the poor and needy. I wanna live a life, that I can help make use of my blessings, abilities, capabilities to be a comfort and blessings to those who fall short despite sincerely trying their best in life. I hope to be such a person who have live to fulfill not just my dreams and satisfied life, but helping others fulfill theirs.

This is my wish, and I will hope to work towards it as much as I can. 

Life is good, when there is a meaning. Man without vision perish. :)

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!

I've been getting insomnia lately and Im not quite sure isit due to my excitement or plainly Im having severe insomnia problem.

Anyway, I'm highly excited once again! My very first accounting CAT class is starting next Thursday afternoon, July 1st, 2010!! YAY!!! *throws rose petals*

After my 1 year of CAT if I can smoothly pass without any repeat, I'll be moving on to ACCA L2 and L3. If Im capable of completing them without any repeat again  x(n_n)x  I should be able to complete in 2.5yrs. And that's the minimum time period to complete CAT and ACCA. After completion, Im planning to finish a 3 year Auditing job in order to obtain my full-fledged ACCA title and qualification. After which, if I'm doing good enough, I wish to pursue a CPA. That's all I know for now. As for the more accurate way of achieving my goal, I will find out more as I journey through. CPA! I WISH I WISSSH!

That's what I hope for now. Short term goal that I am setting myself to achieve will be CAT and then ACCA. CPA will be my new purpose in life to achieve for.

Im in love, and I hope I will make them all happen in less than 10 years! :D

God bless me, Darling God bless me!! :D